Acceptance: How many, exactly, are 'several'?

Truth:

Our Oncology team has been soft-pedaling the truth with vague terminology and gentle-speak.  Last night, we returned to the ER at Mercy Gilbert to address some chest pains Terry was experiencing.  They investigated a potential blood clot in his lungs by way of another CT scan of the upper thorax.  He rested for about an hour while we waited for the scan results.

Good news: 

No blockages or clots, no obvious issues with his pancreas (apparently the giveaway for pancreatitis or pancreatic cancer is non-stop vomiting, eesh.) or gall bladder.  Since the pancreas is likely to be the next (last) organ to be infiltrated by new lesions, I was very relieved by the findings, as was T.

Back to the truth:

The radiologist on duty reportedly freaked out and ran the report back to the doctor, not having read Terry's history.  He  thought that perhaps we were unaware of his metastatic disease.  

After the report circulated, the entire medical staff then proceeded to stop into our little curtained corner to say 'hi'. ... A bit obviously. Their demeanor had changed from preoccupied to visceral concern and/or pity.  Terry became the star of the show, sadly, but we were treated like royalty.  "How about some morphine?", the head doctor urged. We accepted.

Since the ER medical team isn't in on the big secret of 'several', they simply handed me the scan and lab results.  Now I know how many 'several' is.  Check the third paragraph.

So there it is.  Six months ago, there were three.  Today there are too many to count.  Jesus. 

Acceptance: No news is good news 

Unfortunately, Terry read the report too. Fortunately, he was not deterred by it.  It did list his newest osseous lesion (bone: T12), but we suspected that from our scan in June.  It is probably good that the page with the liver tumors was omitted, though.  We'll know soon enough.  

Today he took his son with him to the studio for some additional guitar work, and I'm going to be late for my scheduled vocal time if I don't go now.  Just wanted to get this development down for those of you who are following and love him. 

I'm guessing that the number of folks who love Terry is.... well,  Several.       

Acceptance: Give a little bit

So, we have adjusted our combined expectations when it comes to Terry's treatment goals. He will reassess treatments and lower dosage amounts to levels that can inhibit the growth and spread of the tumors that currently exist in his: 

Head & Neck

Lungs

Liver

Pelvic bone

Lymphatic system

Additional nutritional changes and doubling our cannabis efforts to include THC is a realistic and sustainable approach that should render any treatment tolerant as opposed to debilitating.

Additionally, I have found several options to treat or mitigate the neuropathy that threatens his fingers; ergo, lessens his ability to play guitar.  

Dr. Tsai had a very telling demeanor today during a consultation that followed Terry's blood draw. The discussion now involves halting chemotherapy treatments, and soon.  Terrifying.

Once traditional chemotherapy stops, we can resume Essiac tea, liver boosters and other naturopathic remedies - perhaps his immunotherapy injections (Coley vaccine) as well. 

Anyway, amigos.. I guess I won the bargaining session.  I won, so why don't I feel like I won?  

I will have to accept this truth: All decisions are shitty from here.